Heidi’s Psychic Octopus
lives down the hall from me.
I don’t know where Heidi lives.
The octopus mostly keeps to itself.
Occasionally it goes out for groceries.
And once I saw it at the movies.
It was the 50th anniversary re-release
of Jaws, which felt a little on the nose.
On the beak? I’ve never gotten
close enough to check.
Anyway I don’t think much
about Heidi’s friend. Or I didn’t.
Until the other day I was at
our local pub, The Confused Griffin,
and in walked Heidi’s psychic octopus.
Chat in the pub quieted immediately,
as you’d imagine. Stunned looks
were the order of the evening.
The octopus schlorped up to the bar,
holding out a deck of cards
in one tentacle toward a punter
drinking a Guiness. I’ll give him credit,
the man didn’t hesitate, just pulled a card,
looked at it, and put it back in the deck.
Using another tentacle, the octopus
gently touched the man’s temple.
You could have heard a pin drop.
The man looked down.
He started to cry.
He covered his face with his hands.
We all watched him sob
for what seemed like hours.
After a while the tears stopped.
He looked up at the octopus,
whispered “Thank you,”
and left the Griffin.
As he got to the door,
the octopus got his attention
one last time by slapping a tentacle
on top of the bar.
The man turned around to see
the octopus pull out the seven of clubs.
“That’s my card,” the man said, and smiled.
/ / /
20 October 2026
Charlottesville VA
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